Posted in Kyi Davis, Life Lessons

Bye “2013”

Sometimes when I sit in my house I dream. I dream about the family that should have been here, the ones that will be here, and the ones that I lost that will not be here.

This New Years I sit in my house while my daughter sleeps down the hall. I reminisce about this past year and all the things I have been through. It’s been a rough and good year, but I’m determined to make 2014 better. I thought it would be different this New Year but it’s not. I will still be bringing in this New Year alone. I’m really thinking that I am the problem.

For the past couple of years it’s just been me and my daughter, just how I like it. No drama!! It’s funny how when you think about what you dreamt in high school your life would be like and it just sucks that it didn’t turn out the way you dreamt it. I do not regret my mistakes, they have made me who I am today and I love who I am today, but it just makes me wonder that me thinking about me and my happiness and what makes me happy has me sitting here on New Year’s Eve, December 31, 2013 crying like a little girl who just got her bike stolen.

I opted to come to my house because I have been parked at my mom’s for a few weeks due to my knee injury. I have just been lounging on her couch like a semi-dead tree in the way. So on this day, I’m just tired, I just want to go home and spend some time at my house where I pay rent at and not someone else. I thought I would try to attempt to clean my house but that did not go as planned, I thought I would put up my bookshelf but that did not go as planned, and I thought I would maybe have some company, but that also did not go as well.

Sometimes it’s hard to live in the image of God because, you seem to find yourself alone and what do you do sometimes when you are alone? You cry and you cry and you cry! You question why things happen to you and you just loth yourself just a little bit. But when God gives you a glimmer of hope and you see it and you run toward it, be careful it could be the devil. He could be trying to trip you up. Someone said “Everything that glitters is not gold” and I believe them. No matter how much you want something or no matter how much you believe that something is for you, there is always a possibility that it’s not. If it’s for you God will make it known and I’m trying to see that. I just get so blinded by his Love for me that I just believe that everything and everyone is good, but I must also remember that there is bad out there to.

Sometimes when I sit in my house I dream. I dream about the family that should have been here, the ones that will be here, and the ones that I lost that will not be here.

I’m sitting in my house alone because I didn’t have the courage to tell the man who I am dating that he said we were going to spend New Year’s together. I don’t have the courage to say it because I believe he already thinks that I am trippin’ sometimes and that I might be to needy and I might be. You see I hurt my knee and him and my mom but mostly him has been really taking care of me. I haven’t been bossing him around I just really like him and really just enjoy his company. I was looking forward to this day, to this night ya know?!?! But like I said things don’t always turn ut the way you would like them to.

So on this New Years I will try to dry my eyes and grow some thicker skin. I’ll try to be more confident and more open. I will be more free and Christ-like after all who can argue and compete with someone like that!!  HAPPY 2014 NEW YEAR

-Kyi

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I Have All The Answers About Me… I Am Currently A 6th, 7th, and 8th Grade ELA Teacher… I Believe Everyone Has A Voice and This Blog Is My Voice…

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