This weekend I had the pleasure to hang out with an old friend and guess what, it was fun. We talked and we laughed, but it was different, something was off. Things had defiantly changed, but they felt the same. We have always had this chemistry and it was still there, but as I sat in that house and saw the pictures. I mean their life seemed to be a fairytale. They looked happy in each picture, but something was off. Something was different. They were different.
I found myself getting a little jelly of the life they had. I mean this was the person I felt I was destined to be with. I loved them very much. They were my first love. We had been through a lot, but I always knew if it were one person to come and fuck up my world it would be them, as the day went on and I found myself walking to the door. I felt sad, like this was the end and I would never see them again. I felt like this should be my house with them and I should be cuddled up with them talking and laughing and just having a good time.
When we get outside we continue our conversation out of ear shot of the kids and then it came pouring out my mouth like word vomit, “I don’t want to be your friend!” They broke my heart the last time I saw them and I wanted to keep that buried. This person is the only one I can diverge any and everything to. We have no secrets from each other. I have always kept it real with them, but with the others I kept some stuff to myself, because they just had that hold on me. I wish they didn’t, but they do. Anyways, Needless to say I ended the night telling them I still loved them and the life they had should be ours, not theirs. I don’t want to hang out with you knowing you are promised to someone else. It will just hurt too much, but I made them a promise. I told them I would try and I will. I don’t want their marriage to crumble because of me. I pray for the best for them. I hope it works out.
I guess I have to stop waiting for them, to secretly come back to me. I have to just let it go. I believe we are soulmates, I mean we can’t seem to stay away from each other, that has to mean something right? I can’t help to think what my future boo will think about all of this. They might feel ecstatic that I am letting it go and going to concentrate on them, but they might also feel sad. They might think “Daymn I should have been there sooner, so you didn’t have to go through that!” lol. Well so much for wishful thinking!
As always thanks for stopping by!