Posted in Khaniqua, Poetry

Breath In

As the world keeps turning

My life keeps spinning

Beautiful black girl

She never stops dreaming

Dreaming of you and dreaming of them

She wraps herself in the distant future

Not afraid of the past

But ready for the oncoming future

She baths in beauty

But all she sees is hate

The light is dimming

So, she leans on faith

The ambiance of treasures

Fill her brain

She walks with doubt

And with so much pain

As the world turns

My life keeps spinning

But I keep livin’ I keep movin’

One eye in the mirror and the other at life

The future is waiting

And I’m deaths bride

He loves where I’ve been

Because I stay to long

Faith in an omniscient being

Has me seeing

Seeing double the time and double the work

I ask for it all, but I breath in the dark

I walk with light as you look at me

My mind races to places that you just don’t see

So, as the world keeps turning

And my life keeps spinning

I inhale the future

And let out the past

I walk statuesque

With a brain full of life

Breathing til’ the end of time

Breathing until I see you

It keeps turning

And I keep spinning

I dream all my dreams

And I end up winning

Faith is hard with something

But I know my future is bright

And I’ll breath it in and wait to see

-Kyi

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Posted in Khaniqua, Kyi Davis

A Faith Restored

As I lay in my bed and watch Grey’s Anatomy, I’m contemplating my life. I’m watching people on the show with this mount of love overflowing. I mean, I know it is just tv and the characters are fictional, but I could feel the passion these people felt. Shonda Rimes is an amazing writer. Thinking about my life and the people who I let in, has proven to be the x-factor. I allow people to treat me this was, like a tool and I started to feel sorry for myself. I mean am I really that pathetic? Am I really just a love lost puppy looking for a new home. I mean I’m pining over a love that isn’t even real. someone had to write it and create it. they had to show the world what a real love looks like.

As I contemplated my life watching Grey’s Anatomy I realized that it was getting later in the day and I had to take my pills. I remember that I left them in my car, so I get up put my shoes on and open my front door and to my surprise I find a little note clipped to my door as I walk out. I feel it for 2 seconds and realized there is something in there and not just some random note my apartment people delivered to me.

I open the envelope and the card inside is gold. You know the kind you cherish and the world holds precious?! On the front of the card it says “thank you”. I open and see the same color on the Starbucks gift card. I move the card over and read the words “Kai Thanks for being a great neighbor. Adrian #195. I’m in shock first of all and the a big smile comes across my face.

I start to feel good inside. I mean someone finally thought about. Someone actually took the time to communicate to me. I felt important, wanted, and maybe even loved. I know loved is a stretch, being that I do not know my neighbor from Adam, but that’s how he made me feel. He made me believe in hope again. He restored my faith in people again. God has a funny way of showing you things. I mean look at me. I was watching Grey’s Anatomy and feeling sorry for my train wreck of love life and here comes this person, this man and he thought about me. I mean this is what people want. They want to be thought about.

I’m tired of not being thought about. Not being a factor. I want to be a factor in someone’s life. I think God was showing me that there are fundamentally decent people out there and all I have to do is wait for it. It’s just so hard to wait. I mean I spend all day everyday in my house with no-one, but me and my daughter. This gift from my neighbor Adrian made me believe in love again. It has given me faith in people again. Restored my belief that people are just plain ol’ good and I thank him for that. Thank you Adrian you have truly helped me.

-Kyi

Posted in Khaniqua

I’m back again :-)

Well here we are. I’m back. It took me a long time to get back to here.

Well let’s see, my life is good, my job is good, my personal life well not so good. I need to find the strength to write again. I need to find my purpose again. I wish I were not full of all these daymn emotions. My life is great and I feel so alone.

I have a beautiful daughter and she loves me. I want her to see a happy mm and I think I’m good at faking it. I think I’m so good at faking being happy that I fool myself, until I turn on the tv and see a happy couple or a couple going through things. Sometimes I wish I had there lives. Had their strength. I wish at some point people rather men will see the good in me and the love in me and run or realize that I am the one for them. I know it sounds like a dream and things like this don’t happen or rather people believe it does not happen.

Here is what I believe. I believe everything happens for a reason. God gave me this life for a reason. I don’t want to waste it. I want to be happy. I want to be loved. I believe there is someone out there for me. Someone that will fight for me and love me the way I need to be loved. I know I might scare people with how amazing I am and how perfect I seem to be but, it’s scary. Putting your heart in someone else’s hand and then them slapping it out of your hand like it’s nothing.

” Trust in the loved with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5

-Khaniqua

Posted in FSPoetry, Khaniqua

Feeling Lost

How you ever felt lost?

I feel like that right now. I mean, I’m supposed to be happy. I am supposed to be happy. Then why don’t I. I fell like my emotions have just exploded inside of me. I wish life were different. I wish you were different.

Have you ever felt like the one that you love doesn’t love you back. Sometimes it’s like they are waiting for something better, but then you think, “What can get any better than me?” I guess it’s a humans defense mechanism. They want to make sure they are not going to miss out on anything. They want to exhaust all the possibilities. Well not me.

I know the feeling I fell is God’s love. I don’t know if I believe in soulmates, because God is love and we are love and so how can we decipher our true love from just the ol’ plain lust of love. We were made with love and so how can we be sure the one we love or give our heart to is our true love?

I think it’s the holey spirit that helps us. You might come across someone that gives you butterflies when you first meet them, that feeling of nervousness, and that since of uncomfortness. I believe that is love wrapped up in more things, but as the days go by it just feels like any other day. Nothing really special, that’s a lust love. Lust love disguises it’s self for true love. When you first kiss, it’s almost like fireworks. ALMOST!!! When you hug and when they caress your body, there’s a stinging pain feeling that comes over your body. It hurts, but it fells so good, that you want more, but when the time is over and time just keeps going and that feeling comes and goes, that’s lust love.

 Real love. true love. Oh, it has no end. It keeps going and going. It never runs away, it might hide, because we as humans deal in the flesh and not the spirit, but a true love. It’s amazing how you hear that people go 50 to 80 years and that love is still there. That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, like you want to laugh, to cry, or shout out to the world. Something inside you that gives everything you have to make that person happy. You never give up, it’s never a thought. Every time you see them you heart skips a beat. You both walk in tune with each other. Both of your hearts are on the same beat and all of that never stops. That’s true love.

I feel this love with them. It hid itself when I said goodbye, but then when I saw them again those feelings were there. This person makes me not recognize myself as who i thought I was. I think my soul loves him and it won’t go away. I’m a writer and I can’t remember how much I have written since I’ve met them.  It’s like I got the wind knocked out of me. Are we meant to be or is it just me. Is it lust disguising itself as love? Or is love trying to show itself and we are not listening.

I’m trying to show that I need you in my life Trying to show I want you in my life.My heart is so full of love that I want to give you. I feel my spirit needs you. I feel not whole without you. Every time I get near you, our hearts get in sync, but when I walk away it’s all out of tune.

Why are you fighting me? Why are you fighting us? I don’t think I’m that strong enough to watch you keep your distance from me. I pray to God that he makes me strong enough to stand by you, to support you, to love, and care for you. Holey spirit please give me strength while I am on this earth. It’s like I’m watching an angle leave my sight every night. 

Until we meet. Until we are able to be together. Remember I will always love you, my heart will always love you. #FSPOETRY

 

Posted in Khaniqua, Poetry

A glowing heart’s faith

Rigged places
Strange faces
Different avenues
No real venues
The sky stays blue
I wish it would rain
The dark clouds will bring out my pain
Never warm
Always cold
Sitting and waiting
For life to unfold
At a standstill
Everything seems broken
Every time I speak
My words are not spoken
Vanished like the air in the nights’ warm sky
Unlike birds who sing when they cry
Life’s a make of emptiness and sadness
Hurt and pity mixed with turmoil and hope
I can’t sing praises
If I can’t see it
I can’t be grateful
If I don’t feel it
I can’t feel hopeful
If I have no hope
I can’t feel faithful
If I have no faith
An unknowing belief
And trust is… faith
My world can be ripped to shreds
Crashing down like lightening to a tree
But I will not falter
I will not wither
There are things I don’t understand
And things that I question
But faith keeps me locked in
Strapped in for the ride
I won’t subside
I won’t give in
Life’s not a picnic
But with faith I win
I love this world and it can tear you apart
But faith is my strength
And is stays glowing in my heart
-Khaniqua

Posted in Chocolate Pooh Bear, Khaniqua, Poetry

Well Deserving

54887-Lonely-Girl

I deserve better
I deserve it all
Flowers for no reason
Just because they are my favorite
Spur of the moment texts
Because you can’t stop thinking about me
Thoughtful gifts
Just because they make me smile
My smile is important
I am important
My love is important
Dates that make my heart skip beats
And jealously from my friends
That will tell me “Have several seats”
I want a love that overflows like a waterfall
A love that I can tell to my daughter
When she asks me “What is love?”
I deserve better
I deserve it all
Picnics and park walks
Massages and small talks
Sporting events with the kids in tow
My favorite scents and lingerie you should already know
Just because love
That real love
Call it impossible
But I strive for the best
And if you are not willing, go join the rest
My love over flows like milk and honey
God’s image of love is wrapped up in me
When your clothes get ironed
Or when I call and ask you
“What do you want for dinner tonight?”
When I ask about your day
And make sure you have everything you need and want
When we don’t go to sleep mad
Or when I let you know what’s going on
Love is good
It carries the same weight as God does with the world on his shoulders
I deserve better
I deserve it all
And I will graciously wait
For that right man to call
-Khaniqua

Posted in Chocolate Pooh Bear, Khaniqua

Great Company

Springy and breezy
I’m in great company
Towering in height
I reach out to say hello
You smell delicious
And your lips look divine
How did I get so lucky
To possibly have you be mine?
We’re seated with urgency
And I’ve got my game face on
You fidget a little
And the nerves have set in
The shoes on the other foot
And eye contact in not on your menu
The dialogue is great
But the sexual attraction is better
Your talking
And I think I’m listening
Your mouth is shouting kiss me
And my body pains all over
Hormones raging
This man might want to take cover
I want to love
I want to kiss
I want to suck all over your body
My soul belongs to you
My life is beginning a new
A new chapter
Freedom
Letting go of the past
And staring into my future
This time right now
This is our moment
We want it
We need it
It’s right on time
You’re my Titus 2:2
Don’t leave me
Cause I’ll be here
Proverbs 31:10 will forever live in me
Walk beside me
Love and cherish me
A penny for my thoughts
I’ll be a rich woman
With a king by myside
I’ll be in great company
Because I know we’ll enjoy this ride
-Kyi