Posted in FSPoetry, Khaniqua

Feeling Lost

How you ever felt lost?

I feel like that right now. I mean, I’m supposed to be happy. I am supposed to be happy. Then why don’t I. I fell like my emotions have just exploded inside of me. I wish life were different. I wish you were different.

Have you ever felt like the one that you love doesn’t love you back. Sometimes it’s like they are waiting for something better, but then you think, “What can get any better than me?” I guess it’s a humans defense mechanism. They want to make sure they are not going to miss out on anything. They want to exhaust all the possibilities. Well not me.

I know the feeling I fell is God’s love. I don’t know if I believe in soulmates, because God is love and we are love and so how can we decipher our true love from just the ol’ plain lust of love. We were made with love and so how can we be sure the one we love or give our heart to is our true love?

I think it’s the holey spirit that helps us. You might come across someone that gives you butterflies when you first meet them, that feeling of nervousness, and that since of uncomfortness. I believe that is love wrapped up in more things, but as the days go by it just feels like any other day. Nothing really special, that’s a lust love. Lust love disguises it’s self for true love. When you first kiss, it’s almost like fireworks. ALMOST!!! When you hug and when they caress your body, there’s a stinging pain feeling that comes over your body. It hurts, but it fells so good, that you want more, but when the time is over and time just keeps going and that feeling comes and goes, that’s lust love.

 Real love. true love. Oh, it has no end. It keeps going and going. It never runs away, it might hide, because we as humans deal in the flesh and not the spirit, but a true love. It’s amazing how you hear that people go 50 to 80 years and that love is still there. That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, like you want to laugh, to cry, or shout out to the world. Something inside you that gives everything you have to make that person happy. You never give up, it’s never a thought. Every time you see them you heart skips a beat. You both walk in tune with each other. Both of your hearts are on the same beat and all of that never stops. That’s true love.

I feel this love with them. It hid itself when I said goodbye, but then when I saw them again those feelings were there. This person makes me not recognize myself as who i thought I was. I think my soul loves him and it won’t go away. I’m a writer and I can’t remember how much I have written since I’ve met them.  It’s like I got the wind knocked out of me. Are we meant to be or is it just me. Is it lust disguising itself as love? Or is love trying to show itself and we are not listening.

I’m trying to show that I need you in my life Trying to show I want you in my life.My heart is so full of love that I want to give you. I feel my spirit needs you. I feel not whole without you. Every time I get near you, our hearts get in sync, but when I walk away it’s all out of tune.

Why are you fighting me? Why are you fighting us? I don’t think I’m that strong enough to watch you keep your distance from me. I pray to God that he makes me strong enough to stand by you, to support you, to love, and care for you. Holey spirit please give me strength while I am on this earth. It’s like I’m watching an angle leave my sight every night. 

Until we meet. Until we are able to be together. Remember I will always love you, my heart will always love you. #FSPOETRY

 

Posted in Khaniqua, Poetry

A glowing heart’s faith

Rigged places
Strange faces
Different avenues
No real venues
The sky stays blue
I wish it would rain
The dark clouds will bring out my pain
Never warm
Always cold
Sitting and waiting
For life to unfold
At a standstill
Everything seems broken
Every time I speak
My words are not spoken
Vanished like the air in the nights’ warm sky
Unlike birds who sing when they cry
Life’s a make of emptiness and sadness
Hurt and pity mixed with turmoil and hope
I can’t sing praises
If I can’t see it
I can’t be grateful
If I don’t feel it
I can’t feel hopeful
If I have no hope
I can’t feel faithful
If I have no faith
An unknowing belief
And trust is… faith
My world can be ripped to shreds
Crashing down like lightening to a tree
But I will not falter
I will not wither
There are things I don’t understand
And things that I question
But faith keeps me locked in
Strapped in for the ride
I won’t subside
I won’t give in
Life’s not a picnic
But with faith I win
I love this world and it can tear you apart
But faith is my strength
And is stays glowing in my heart
-Khaniqua

Posted in Chocolate Pooh Bear, Khaniqua, Poetry

Well Deserving

54887-Lonely-Girl

I deserve better
I deserve it all
Flowers for no reason
Just because they are my favorite
Spur of the moment texts
Because you can’t stop thinking about me
Thoughtful gifts
Just because they make me smile
My smile is important
I am important
My love is important
Dates that make my heart skip beats
And jealously from my friends
That will tell me “Have several seats”
I want a love that overflows like a waterfall
A love that I can tell to my daughter
When she asks me “What is love?”
I deserve better
I deserve it all
Picnics and park walks
Massages and small talks
Sporting events with the kids in tow
My favorite scents and lingerie you should already know
Just because love
That real love
Call it impossible
But I strive for the best
And if you are not willing, go join the rest
My love over flows like milk and honey
God’s image of love is wrapped up in me
When your clothes get ironed
Or when I call and ask you
“What do you want for dinner tonight?”
When I ask about your day
And make sure you have everything you need and want
When we don’t go to sleep mad
Or when I let you know what’s going on
Love is good
It carries the same weight as God does with the world on his shoulders
I deserve better
I deserve it all
And I will graciously wait
For that right man to call
-Khaniqua

Posted in Chocolate Pooh Bear, Khaniqua

Great Company

Springy and breezy
I’m in great company
Towering in height
I reach out to say hello
You smell delicious
And your lips look divine
How did I get so lucky
To possibly have you be mine?
We’re seated with urgency
And I’ve got my game face on
You fidget a little
And the nerves have set in
The shoes on the other foot
And eye contact in not on your menu
The dialogue is great
But the sexual attraction is better
Your talking
And I think I’m listening
Your mouth is shouting kiss me
And my body pains all over
Hormones raging
This man might want to take cover
I want to love
I want to kiss
I want to suck all over your body
My soul belongs to you
My life is beginning a new
A new chapter
Freedom
Letting go of the past
And staring into my future
This time right now
This is our moment
We want it
We need it
It’s right on time
You’re my Titus 2:2
Don’t leave me
Cause I’ll be here
Proverbs 31:10 will forever live in me
Walk beside me
Love and cherish me
A penny for my thoughts
I’ll be a rich woman
With a king by myside
I’ll be in great company
Because I know we’ll enjoy this ride
-Kyi

Posted in Alex, Khaniqua, Music Lyrics, Music video

Aretha Franklin “Share Your Love With Me”

“Share Your Love With Me”

It’s an evil wind
That blows no good air
It’s a sad heart
That won’t love like I know it should
Oh how lonesome (oh how lonesome)
You must be
(You must be)
It’s a shame (shame)
You don’t share your love with me

It’s a heartache yeah
(It’s a heartache)
When love is gone
(It’s a heartache)
But it’s bad
(Bad) and even sad (sad)
All day long

And it’s no wonder
When you won’t see me
It’s a shame
(shame)
If you won’t share
Some of your love with me

I can’t help it oh no
If he’s gone
I must try to forget
Because I got to live on
Ooooh
Have me some good thing
It’s a sweet thing
(Its a sweet thing)
But you love someone eles
(Such a sweet thing)

But It’s bad (bad)
And even sadder (sad)
When it’s not the time

And Ooooooooooh
How lonesome… how lonesome
How lonesome baby
(Lonesome)
You must be
(You must be)

I tell ya it would be a sad (sad)
Shame (shame)
If you don’t share
Your love with me
(Share your love with me)

It would really be a mistake baby
(If you say it)
If you don’t share
Your love with me
(Share your love with me)

It would sure be a shame
(Shame shame)
If you don’t share
Share your love with me
Share your love with me
Come on bab – ay

Posted in Alex, Khaniqua, Kyi Davis, Poetry

The Patient Table

The table is set
I’m all in
The aroma is inviting
It smells delicious
Glass set by the hour with love
Skillet sizzling and the heat above
Waiting for your call
As I sit at the table and wait
Did I do something wrong?
As I go back in my mind and contemplate
Your invited as a guest
You made your own plans
But forget me nots
These plans you sand
Was it really true
Are you really, real?
I can’t really let you know how I feel
You’re the guy with no plan
And I’m a woman with a future
How does this work?
Am I wasting my time?
Wasting energy?
Hoping for the best?
A dashing face
Worth a million kisses
A loveable heart
Full of hopes and wishes
A sexy body
That I’ll nurture for all our days
And in many different ways
I don’t pay to play
I’ll let you have it for free
What’s in me
Don’t leave me
Don’t walk away
Don’t be scared I don’t bite
I’ll love you in every way passible
10,000 ways to love you
And make love to you
A lifetime to summit and worship you
I’m her, are you him?
Can you give me what I deserve?
Above my wildest dreams?
What do you dream?
I can be all that and more
Give you rainbows, after the storm
Life will be spectacular
But with only me in it
If only me and you could get through it together
The table has been set
And I’m all in
116% I’ll put on it
For us to win
Let go of the past
And embrace your future
For all to see
The table is set
And I’ll patiently wait
For you to join me
-Kyi

Posted in Khaniqua, Life Lessons

Think about me

I have come to the realization that I do not care enough about me. I mean I always think of others first, putting myself on the back burner. I’m tired of that! I’m tired of people! 

I always say people treat you the way that they treat you, because you let them. Well I have been ignoring myself  for years and now people are ignoring me! I know it sounds weird right? How can I ignore myself right? I mean, I do live in this body, so it must be hard to ignore someone who you see everyday or ignore the fact that you live in this skin, but I do.

I mean look, writing is a big part of who I am. Only 2 people in my entire life have understood that. Everyone else, eh, they don’t care that writing is like food for my soul. I feel like when I write I am free of judgement of everyone. I can say what I want and there is nothing you can do about it. You can get mad and cuss me out, tell me I should not be airing my dirty laundry, or whatever, but I’ve done it I’ve written whatever it is that was on my mind and I feel a lot more free.

I’ve often wondered why people don’t take my writing seriously, then I came up with the conclusion. People don’t take it seriously, because I don’t take it seriously. I must not be communicating to them that writing for me is like breathing. If I don’t do it I will die! I know that sounds exaggerating, but it’s true for me.

I often feel that people do not hear me when I talk. Probably, because I talk to daymn much. I am a great story-teller I like to think. On the other hand some people would beg to differ! Lol. Anyways, I feel like people don’t take me seriously, because they think I am complaining, so automatically  they tune me out, until they realize that I really did have something deep to say and by then, I don’t really feel like repeating myself, because now all of a sudden you want to finally listen to me!! It’s exhausting. #judgement anyone!

So in order to get my point across to the many people I come across, I need them to know how much my life and the things that I do mean to me. 

Let’s take writing. While I have dated a few guys back in my day 🙂 most of them did not realize how much writing meant to me, until I blogged about a situation or them. they didn’t understand that my voice and my words mattered until I put them on front street to the whole world. I want my life to be different. I want the people who I come in contact with to understand that writing is everything to me and that it is important to me, so it should be important to you, because it is important to me. Now I know that is a lot to ask for… scratch that… That is NOT a lot to ask for. I’m asking for the people who are closest to me, to be invested in me, like I am invested in them.

I’m tired of meeting that great guy and everything is perfect, but all we do is talk about their dreams and aspirations. I admit I can give great advice. I don’t judge or anything. I am a logical thinker, so usually I ask basic questions to see if you understand what you are talking about. When I know something means a lot to you, why would I not be invested in how it is going or if you need any help. I mean I am human. I realize that people just need someone to know that they care and that they have listened. All I ask is the same.

I keep getting these guys who don’t give a shyt about my writing, photography, or painting. Now I know what you are saying. That’s a lot of stuff right, but if it’s important to me and you know that I do these things, why would you not ask? Why would you just wait for me to tell you what I have been doing? Well no more! It’s time for a change. If you can’t see all the qualities in me like I see in you, I believe it is time to stand 10ft back. I need to make room for the right people to come along and give me what I need. What I crave for at the end of the day. The comfort of knowing that they care about everything that I touch and everything that I do.

I wish the people in this world were different. Sometimes I wish I were different, but we are all here for a reason. I know why I was meant to be on this earth. I’m just waiting for that right person to come to me and tell me why I was meant to me on this earth with them, but until then, I’ll be weeding out the ducks for the man who with look and me, hear me, see me, love me, and guide me to new heights without a hidden agenda. I will wait for the day when someone asks me “When was the last time you wrote something?” and them genuinely offers some words of wisdom  or advice for me.

I’m always in a situation where I bring something to someone else’s life, but when is it going to be my turn, for someone to bring something into my life?

-Khaniqua

couple-in-bed