I have come to the realization that I do not care enough about me. I mean I always think of others first, putting myself on the back burner. I’m tired of that! I’m tired of people!
I always say people treat you the way that they treat you, because you let them. Well I have been ignoring myself for years and now people are ignoring me! I know it sounds weird right? How can I ignore myself right? I mean, I do live in this body, so it must be hard to ignore someone who you see everyday or ignore the fact that you live in this skin, but I do.
I mean look, writing is a big part of who I am. Only 2 people in my entire life have understood that. Everyone else, eh, they don’t care that writing is like food for my soul. I feel like when I write I am free of judgement of everyone. I can say what I want and there is nothing you can do about it. You can get mad and cuss me out, tell me I should not be airing my dirty laundry, or whatever, but I’ve done it I’ve written whatever it is that was on my mind and I feel a lot more free.
I’ve often wondered why people don’t take my writing seriously, then I came up with the conclusion. People don’t take it seriously, because I don’t take it seriously. I must not be communicating to them that writing for me is like breathing. If I don’t do it I will die! I know that sounds exaggerating, but it’s true for me.
I often feel that people do not hear me when I talk. Probably, because I talk to daymn much. I am a great story-teller I like to think. On the other hand some people would beg to differ! Lol. Anyways, I feel like people don’t take me seriously, because they think I am complaining, so automatically they tune me out, until they realize that I really did have something deep to say and by then, I don’t really feel like repeating myself, because now all of a sudden you want to finally listen to me!! It’s exhausting. #judgement anyone!
So in order to get my point across to the many people I come across, I need them to know how much my life and the things that I do mean to me.
Let’s take writing. While I have dated a few guys back in my day 🙂 most of them did not realize how much writing meant to me, until I blogged about a situation or them. they didn’t understand that my voice and my words mattered until I put them on front street to the whole world. I want my life to be different. I want the people who I come in contact with to understand that writing is everything to me and that it is important to me, so it should be important to you, because it is important to me. Now I know that is a lot to ask for… scratch that… That is NOT a lot to ask for. I’m asking for the people who are closest to me, to be invested in me, like I am invested in them.
I’m tired of meeting that great guy and everything is perfect, but all we do is talk about their dreams and aspirations. I admit I can give great advice. I don’t judge or anything. I am a logical thinker, so usually I ask basic questions to see if you understand what you are talking about. When I know something means a lot to you, why would I not be invested in how it is going or if you need any help. I mean I am human. I realize that people just need someone to know that they care and that they have listened. All I ask is the same.
I keep getting these guys who don’t give a shyt about my writing, photography, or painting. Now I know what you are saying. That’s a lot of stuff right, but if it’s important to me and you know that I do these things, why would you not ask? Why would you just wait for me to tell you what I have been doing? Well no more! It’s time for a change. If you can’t see all the qualities in me like I see in you, I believe it is time to stand 10ft back. I need to make room for the right people to come along and give me what I need. What I crave for at the end of the day. The comfort of knowing that they care about everything that I touch and everything that I do.
I wish the people in this world were different. Sometimes I wish I were different, but we are all here for a reason. I know why I was meant to be on this earth. I’m just waiting for that right person to come to me and tell me why I was meant to me on this earth with them, but until then, I’ll be weeding out the ducks for the man who with look and me, hear me, see me, love me, and guide me to new heights without a hidden agenda. I will wait for the day when someone asks me “When was the last time you wrote something?” and them genuinely offers some words of wisdom or advice for me.
I’m always in a situation where I bring something to someone else’s life, but when is it going to be my turn, for someone to bring something into my life?